Jealousy

It is embarrassing
I'm not a hot-headed person 
I usually don't feel like this
But when it comes back
I start to worsen

It hits me hard
Like a ton of bricks
When I feel fixed
My mind conflicts

It happens at night
I'll feel alright
But then it starts
When my mind and heart start to fight

My mind wins 
And my head spins
My sins come to light
And the war begins

Fires wage
The sky looks outraged
What you don't know is that off-stage
In the middle of it all, I am kept in a cage

I wake up
My brain starts-up
Though I feel like a screwup
I disguise and coverup
And no one interrupts

I zone out
While my mind shouts
My mind floods with doubt
And I fall out

I look around
And breakdown
When I see 
Everyone is better than me

I am Jealous
Of their looks
Their Smarts
Their Socialisation
Their Beautiful creations

And I look at me
Talentless
All I can do is stress
For it is too fast for me to digest
Process
I confess
I don't have finesse
Nevertheless
I say I couldn't care less
So I suppress
For I can't express
How I feel in words

I have no way with words
They jumble
And I stumble over them
I'll pretend I'm humble
But really I have no skill and I know
If I express this
They'll lock me up
So I'll silently crumble

Their minds are unique
They have talent 
Technique
When they speak
It doesn't come out like a squeak
Or a shriek
I'm a freak

Then there's me
I can't think
My mind is on the brink
Of sinking

My leg jitters
Though I am no quitter
I can't help but feel bitter
For they don't know
What it is like to be me

But to be honest
This is no contest
And here I am blessed
Because I can't really detest
They're so amazing
And I can't help but start praising them
I can't even hate right

I feel like my only true talent
Is finding what others are great at
So I'm not going to feel so glum
Like scum
I'm going put my thumb up
When they ask how I am
Because by now 
I am numb
And I will not succumb
To jealousy