Just maybe

Read at your own discretion, I find poetry to be quite “obsessive”, my feelings are always “aggressive”, words flying across the room like daggers, it’s so easy to leave and not look back, you keep getting further and further, there’s no mistaking that, left on my knees with my heart on my sleeve, stuck in disbelief and filled with grief, all the fuck alone, I look to the sky screaming the word
”WHY” , never expecting a “reply” shedding “tears” stuck in this place for many “years” just a man and his “fears” I’m part of your past, you were never a “gift” when in the “present” now separated by “light years” but I still desire you in the “future”, I lie to myself, I tell myself I can make you happy, I lie to everyone else claiming you make me smile, lies, lies, lies, the only truth that’s relevant, I cannot nurture myself currently or ever,,, so to think I can put anyone else’s feeling first needs some addressing, maybe I’m just meant to be selfish, never guilty of being selfless, less of myself might be the answer, more consideration and less demanding, is this a possibility or just a suggestion, capabilities seem impossible unless we’re talking about self defense mechanisms then I could fill the oceans, quite arguably my D.N.A is made up of contradiction, why do I keep following my tainted intuition, is this just my superstitious habits involuntarily following hereditary patterns, or am I a result of others lacking, refusing to acknowledge the room for growth being a necessity, maintaining the lifestyle and decisions labeled unhealthy, captive to our own demise, never mentally becoming wealthy, cruise controlling through a non purposeful life… just maybe