Let him go

Nothing. That’s what I want from him but he is too blind to see that. He makes it hard to sleep at night. Doing thing he knows I miss him doing. It is like he knows how to get to me. He keeps messing with my head. Making it a home to an emotional train wreck. He doesn’t understand how much pain he is putting me through.  He doesn’t understand I am not his anymore. I belong to another. Yet he kisses me. He said he shouldn’t be doing this. Knowing someone else has my heart. But he does it again. I cannot help but do it back. Not just once but twice. He knows I still have the same feelings but I don’t want to. He kisses me one last time before he leaves. My mind is going 100 mph in all different directions, forming a panic attack. The ones I had when we were together. But this one was worse. I couldn’t get the smell of him out of my nose. I couldn’t get the image of him out of my head. The spark that was once there still has a tiny flame. But I am mad but it still remains. The image of him grabbing me, pulling me in and kissing me. Over and over. His soft lips meeting mine for what seemed like hours. The adrenaline in me was pumping. But I still felt guild for I had just cheated. I cheated on a guy that I just got together with, wondering if I should tell him what had happened. Right now my mind is still going 100 mph and I don’t think it plans on slowing down anytime soon.