letters to everyone I've loved, 1/?

I won’t lie,
the universe just doesn’t touch me
quite the way it used to back when I was yours.
It must’ve lost my fascination
somewhere along the way.

I'd like to thank you for the first time I saw you.
Thank you for the waltz in my living room,
and the duet on my couch.
Thank you for all of the priceless moments you gave me,
and the story we left behind.
Thank you for once upon a time
showing me what a beautiful thing the universe is.
Most of all, I’d like to thank you for being a good enough liar
that until the very end,
I really thought I’d found my way to heaven.

It’s funny, you never expect how it feels.
My life knows a new silence now.
Perhaps it's because I know you're not coming back this time,
and I'm finally okay with that.
Maybe one day I’ll stop hoping the quiet weighs on you too.

I wanted to be able to write you down
in my history books as one of the good ones.
I wanted to be able to put your name up in lights,
safe in my heart
where the world couldn’t touch you.
I fucking hate you for taking that away from me.

(I need you to know yours hurt the worst.
I need you to know that you have forever tarnished my memory of you.)