letting go

2 questions - earnest, nicely....  consider a win win for both  and  irrelevant to the times concerns.

so ...
i was reflecting on the time in office while you eat a whole box of mini brownies, in front of me. Mary back and around / about ...  do you remember the conversation, what you were speaking of,   then?
that's question one.
gawd life is funny,
so i said i hate you, like a child.  in some place of honesty spilling out. reacting   starting with the best intentions of civility and   
reacting  
like a child  hurt.  i was like that at times  a kid,   You? i think most do, right.    that word...    hate    with so many other choices   my default in all my writings now, since I've found my words.                 heart words   my voice and all that it could possibly poetically imply.
            i hung up with you         love entered,                  i thought   
you've not met me,   never   really   irrelevant though to your     what you did to me

clearly i'm not finished healing
with your   
what you did to me    
totality of it.
                  worse    
                               compounded      so it's      you don't see it?              you just don't?              implications abound -  or
or your evil     
intentional

           and lives my 2nd.    
    when it's over   when this   this document irrelevant     courtroom emptied.       
if it's evil    will you tell me   if it's not
Will you share what you've learned

what i've learned of recent that i know as     
Absolute.
like  the perfect  'given' assumed, never mentioned. no need.
   same the way u know an absolute   
 maybe when perfect logic critically developed meets perfect emotion from truth,  absolute.
        so i know
it's the removal, the repressed possibility to not even be offered a glimpse of   
choice
to love like this selfless,     to heal like this understanding,    to feel what i feel right now this moment   its importance   times rare times when life was mine choice was mine  possibilities endless, I hadn't forgotten -  no - it  was missing to remember . no choice
yes
despite everything , all that time, everything.  10 years of   this     my life
defines
my depression. this  great choiceless  depression  to borrow a teary smile.
so my hope for you - my tears shed is to never do what you did to me to the next me you encounter, rarefied air i am. turns out.  you'll know me's now   when....   and u have mirrors    so you’ll know truth    and for you to
let go  -     stop,       this  fallacy? blindness?  evil?   where does the pain for you       live         
why still the brownies  an obese metaphor.         let go    your denial.       let go    your future penance
your knowledge of truth tearing at your soul as the tears cast down from these my broken hearted words  
this  stuff   I tend is freedom     is   is righteous   is dignity   is love
make      your       own        like
my new   Absolute,    
                  absolutely
                           apologize