Life Without Happiness

She lives two different lives one her social life although it’s not very social and two her bedroom she says her social life means the person she pretends to be the person who always has a smile , always greetings people as they walk by, and always pretending to be something  she is not .............happy

There is a split-second of happiness and she tries to hold onto it for as long as she can but for some reason she can’t catch a grip as is she is underwater her vision is foggy her hearing is foggy she opens her mouth but water flushes inside holding back the voice that so desperately needs to be heard and every time she steps out of her bedroom she feels the need to pretend 
Until she become confused so often wondering if this is living, surviving or simply just not dying she does not understand so she pretends to be normal because she believes that normality is the only key to  being happy and what she does not understand you can’t pretend to be happy it is something that you feel 
you could fake a smile for as long as you are able but once walk into your bedroom, your safe place you no longer have that smile you no longer pretend you’re happy you are longer underwater you can hear you can see you can speak you don’t have to pretend but the price is the door shutting behind you locking yourself in a room full of stuff that appears to be empty leaving you with the loneliness you keep so deep in your heart because you were afraid that if you don’t pretend you will never find  happiness on your own