Lonely night

I lie awake at 3:32 am looking up at nothing but bitter darkness. I think to myself how did things get so complicated when did life turn into this? I don’t sleep much, I don’t eat, it’s hard to go through the day smiling and nodding with other thoughts in mind while giving many others hope but where is mine ? No where to been seen, felt, or heard. I go on with the day and the pain and burden of feeling nothing maybe caring isn’t always something. This
darkness has become a big part of me I lie in bed all day staring up into nothing, I try to keep myself busy so I won’t think about my feelings but when night hits it all comes rushing in. I think of the loneliness I’ve been going through and believe in time it’ll get better that’s what they say right time is what you need, wrong nothing can fill that void you have feeling. Caring makes you weak and sad but not caring has made it even worse although times may change maybe it’s best if I stay at my worst. To not feel and to not care are some terrible things but maybe that is best for me instead of putting myself out there for people who don’t believe in me. I love writing always have it felt like a power to just have. A pen in my hand with my thoughts on the paper although I burn what I write I felt the need to share maybe there’s others out there..