Look Away

I feel things and after everything 
I feel mostly embarrassment and shame

 

In a way I wish she didn't love me so much that she stayed 

 

Because I know outside looking in on everything 

 

I can only imagine the things she thinks 

 

Mostly feeling alive 

 

Living makes me feel so drained 

 

It's like all I've done is eat and sleep 

 

It's hard to stay awake 

 

I've been smoking a lot of weed 

 

It seems to keep me here in reality 

 

It helps keep my mind from crossing 

 

And going back to that place

 

Always lingering 

 

Always there 

 

Reminding me 

 

But I know everything's okay 

 

But I'm so embarrassed and ashamed 

 

I can't even look her in the face 

 

I can only imagine the things she thinks 

 

I have nothing to say 

 

For any of it 

 

I'm so glad you stayed 

 

But part of me wish you would have not

 

Loved me enough to stay 

 

Cuz now I can't even look you in the face 

 

And I just feel like I'm crazy 

 

And I can't make things go back 

 

To the way they were before 

 

The us we used to be 

 

I miss us so badly 

 

How horrible miserable embarrassed and ashamed 

 

I don't know how to look you in the face 

 

I got a doctor's appointment today 

 

And then one tomorrow 

 

I see a psych doctor 

 

I'll get medicine 

 

And my disorder will be okay 

 

But I don't want to talk about what happened with anyone 

 

There's nothing to say 

 

I just feel embarrassed and ashamed 

 

I want to forget 

 

I want it to just go away 

 

I want you to be a part of everything 

 

To sign release forms 

 

So you can inquire and ask about things 

 

Say things 

 

And I know there's no way 

 

That this is just going to go away 

 

I just feel embarrassed and ashamed

 

I don't even know how to look you in the face

 

I just want to go back to yesterday and forget all of everything 

 

Just be us

 

Before I disassociate 

 

I don't even know what to say 

 

Just embarrassed and ashamed 

 

I just want it to go away

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