Looks Like Rain

I was good once

I'm still good

 Always good

I want to be bad 

Really bad

It's 200 degrees, my head feels so distant from my heart

It doesn't even feel connected to my chest

Like its free falling headed to the pit of my stomach 

Where all my dread lives

It feels like knives poking out my insides

She says it like it means nothing but I feel it

Every time you get hurt

Every time you say my name 

I feel it

And I don't want to

What's a girl gotta do to make the song and dance stop?

Short of cutting out my emotion the only thing that proves I'm not a fucking corpse

This is a graveyard tune

Your love is stillborn but that's close enough right 

Push me closer to the pit because it's just not fucking hot enough 

Can you tease me more?

It's like being caught in a torrential downpour there's just no stopping it

No escaping either 

Not that I'm looking

Cause who could look anywhere but your stupid cute face

Oh ya that's right everyone but me

I'm a fucking idiot 

I say I'm a realist but I'm realest when I'm sleeping 

(That's because my brain is directed from thoughts not you but let's face it I chase you in my dreams too)

I'm a filthy liar but the best part is I lie to myself 

I lie to myself 

And I lie to myself 

And I lie to myself 

And I love it

I love pretending I can cut you out of my heart like cancer

I love pretending you don't mean even half of what I know you mean

To me this is easy

Piece of cake,piece of pie,your ass is mine

Or rather I'd like it to be

Liken me to Gollum trying to get the precious 

You mean so much to me and half the reason I couldn't tell you why

You fucking infuriate me

You set me on fire with your ridiculous indifference and I must be the biggest masochist 

Christ said to turn the other cheek I'm turning all four 

Hit me like you mean it

I'm the punchline to my own fucking joke

It's ridiculous how into this I am

How much I never want it to stop, never want it to end 

It's funny that I didn't imagine things being this way

I didn't think I'd meet your friends

I didn't think I'd grow to know you almost as well as the back of my hand 

I didn't know I grow a fondness for you that over steps so many boundaries the crossfire for standing in the middle of them is dangerous 

I love you

I'm saying the stupid words

I love you 

And I'm a true masochist because I know I can't have it back 

This isn't Burger King I know nothing's going my way

I can lie

And lie 

And lie again

Nothing's gonna change except our coordinates

Stay on your side of the court and I'll stay on mine

Judge me if you must because I'm an idiot and I'm running out of time to change your mind

I just want you so bad 

Fuck

I just want you so fucking bad