Machinations of a Maniac

(no braggadocio! modest rodomontade scored triumphantly!)

Unbeknownst to me, a generic human ape,
an unpleasant surprise 
     swished down like an ominous cape 
awaited and near smothered me drape 

ping that October morning, where no escape
presaged via frisky black cats 
     chasing shadows on fire escape 
crossed my path after walking under a ladder
     where ice hoar ravens didst jape!
 **********************************
Wheels of injustice applied via de
fender, sans Johnny Cochran forced ee
year splitting amidst general public fee
ver rush to absorb disbelief shell shock hee
ret tickle non guilty conviction from key

ping popular culture spell bountious lee 
really exhausted viz three ring me
dee ya circus (June 1994 – October 1995) pre
vail ling obvious evidence irrelevant, thus re
deeming O.J. Simpson to strut guilt free 

from emotionally charged trial. I awoke 
as usual and performed customary bespoke
oblations vis a vis half-hour plus choke
hold asphyxiation meditation, okey doke 
shuteye discipline followed daily to evoke 

calm, cool, and collected trance zen dental 
bliss before motoring on with gist of gentle
lee presented vignette, though me mental
state did not shift gears into a rental

modus operandi, but only partially new 
trawl eyed , cuz the then fiancé (one mew
zing chic chick i.e. Abby Robin Zison), Jew
dish us lee spent the night 
     at our transitional grew

some domicile) immediately nsync to report do 
tuff lee (at the Goddard School) raced like a Chew
Bach ha's Dickensian protagonist back up Badoo 
two flights of stairs. Like eponymous Aloo
 
men hum mushing spry feline woman out bitta bing
bitta bang (clanging like hells bells) ding  
donging, she immediately flew back fling
all four feet eleven of her harried style jing

ling in an agitated state she set foot to go bob  
bing out the door intent 
   (as iterated) driving to her job, 
and in combination pantomime 
   and words crisis did lob 

asper like a bot to me, 
     she attempted to communicate rob
bing her unsuspecting fount of thespianism 
   tub air gritty modicum 
   of rationale from putrid slob

name of Leslie (the lunatic landlady) 
     thine paramour conveyed clarity mouth ajar
after surmising urgent news 
     required automatic action to un bar
driveway, where I parked car,
 
the previous night surreptitiously venal far 
from rational rapscallion most definitely har
bored an axe to grind, and locked Ford Escort par
tush shinned within chain linked fence - war

fore suggestion got made 
     (from future bride) 
to confront landlady, 
     and sternly insist and mildly chide
corrective action taken, 

     yet this storyteller defied
said suggestion, and brainstormed 
    with betrothed asthma guide
averting compromising neither of our pride

and prejudice respective, sans stevedore 
managers would not let us slide
gnome hatter, how we could not 
     escape deprecation 
     no matter how much we tried.

Prior to heading off to bed 
     the prior night, I deigned 
to express likelihood to landlord/owner 
     thyself and pseudo spouse needed to find 

another place to live. The major reasons 
for vacating premises? Her grind 
ding cigarette no ifs, ands 
     or buts smoking mind
less ness ranked (on par 
     with chimney didst wind

     burning wood smoke
at full blast) as primary source 
     of revulsion did provoke,
and aye came across with homespun folksy 
sensitive mien, as a simple country bloke
I expressed honest sentiment at being 
extremely averse (where hacking awoke

     the future wife) 
     from second hand carcinogen(s)  
     extant within cancer sticks. Asphyxiation deafen
knit lee found me choking half to death even
putting towel under the door, or 

     additionally keeping 
     bedroom window wide open,
the malodorous nicotine wisps ambled - pen
     knit trait ting, wending, curly cued, 
     and filtered thru fabric with mischievous yen.

No matter, the twisting tendrils of tobacco found 
their way into ole factory nasal cavity ground 
zero, sans health conscious holistic being hound 
did, what constituted one deranged dame 
     the SPCA ought to impound.

Another factor fueling foul accommodations yin
     wanna know offset fine tuned win 
Dixie yang, 
     which odoriferous torture constituted
     nauseating odor of cat urine 
and litter boxes smelt worse than sin,
cuz, they never got cleaned of feline fecal matter 
     near visible as a unsightly dangerous shark fin.

Upon summoning effort 
     and energy to communicate 
bona fide concerns, she responded 
     and didst denigrate
with contempt fiery madness irate 
psychotic malicious venomous vile 
     as dead body snatcher mate

and then insidious wheels 
     of malice with tongue flames 
crackling, popping, and snapping 
     from out her reptilian pate
     began to turn more sharply 

     amidst ghoulish clatter and path 
     of destruction on her tabula rosa slate
with more danger than 
     along axis of evil tete a tete. 

She madly paced back and forth 
     across maligned envisioned aisle
a small patch of uncluttered space in main foyer 
     witnessed seething rage wherein 

     carpeted floor boards, 
     an imperfect circle shod feet didst dial
no doubt internally 
     plotting vengeful strategic guile.

Castigations, fulminations, and insinuations ague 
gulled out her mouth 
     noxious fumes left exit pronto flew
ludicrous lacerations 
     from fiery dragon lady did spew

while yours truly soundly slept 
     and without incident dreamt edenic view
she unwittingly trappings to annihilate  Xandu 
some personal vendetta. After I washed, dressed as a zoo 

keeper headed downstairs, 
     the malicious scheme she did hatch 
out back became a living reality, 
     an empty house doors hooked with latch

(Samir, the other occupant) left hours earlier no match 
to tangle with wicked witch absented premises natch
eerily echoed every footstep trod one patch, 
after another 
     patent leather slippers paused to scratch
 
an niche 'pon second landing 
     (to confirm a strong hunch) 
that nary a soul heard nor seen, 
     probably out to lunch,

no raving ranting banshee 
     demented drunk as punch
No zombie like entity appeared from the “DO 
NOT DISTURB” sign affixed 
     outside sleeping area, aye did scrunch
 
brow to compress insight, 
     where mangy catatonic felines 
     shared coterie holograms suddenly jumped out 
     from virtual reality cat n' app cradle 
     swishing tails shorn like cat o' nines

mewing obscenities (within/ out 
     computer screen, ominous signs,
sans phantasmagoric phantom) lurking 
     like a lunatic swing from vines.

Nonetheless, I continued to tread 
     down dimly lit said 
lower level with glimmer 
     of optimism to bolster lead

din heavy mood crossing fingers 
     spare set of skeleton keys 
     (with cross bones and skull head)
nearly always left tantalizingly 

     dangling in unused door latch, twas cred
double wish, thus spirit within me soared 
and just as quickly sank to abyss of psyche moored
     sensation felt like poured molten lava oh Lord
Guess what? No such luck. Oh, 
     she definitely would not a ford

carelessness, and took precautions okay
hiding temptation to make a getaway
Well…I stepped outside 
     to assess situation. Blimey cray
zee myopic eyes forced to glean deadbolt 
     found gate shut tight, thence a feeble bray

escaped parched lips, when lo...vix 
teased and cross myopic eyes, 
     no doubt played tricks
holy glory. Ah, a handsaw 
     carelessly got left and altered mix 
matched tool chest in plain view, a sudden fix

but prior to acting on the plan, quite do able
I made a few telephone calls 
     first telephonically cable
hub rate, and firstly contacted employer 

     told tale more unbelievable than a fable
thence to local police 
     in order to file complaint against 
     goon bonkers malicious monstrous label 
 
quick as the brown fox 
     jumps over the lazy dog 
escape attempted perilous hell grog
ghee nightmare commenced after placing
 
     phone back on cradle, whence nog 
     'gin set fingers to twitch busily 
     sawing into one steel link, 
    (an effort aye did slog)
thru to break at one linkedin steel segment
barricading trusty Ford Escort 
     so this fellow could hightail with pent

up adrenaline out of nefarious 
     steely web and test a mint...,
     whence surge of adrenaline 
coursed from head to toe, 
     my heart pounded not so gent 

lee ready to burst from chest, 
     and palms perspired profusely 
with unexpected accursed of evil incarnate 
     vis a vis hell bent agent

provocateur ready to pounce 
     and deliver violent 
retribution, which blows 
     from blunt heavy object, 
   would invariably render me unconscious 
   courtesy of cerebral rent. 

For better than worse, a kind face 
of destiny smiled from countenance grace 
sing unseen karma 
     smiled smooth as sateen or lace
upon my essence as shaking hands 

     furiosly moved saw handle 
     back and forth dozens of times until…
THE CHAIN BROKE AND SET ME FREE
     now fickle finger of fate 
     got me ought ta this place!