Making sense of the madness

My two empty arms , that so longed to hold you, and so many thoughts I couldn't have told you, those sweet little lips , and long slender fingers, and eyelids stay closed makes everything meaningless , you looked oh so perfect , but lifeless and still, those beautiful eyes that could never open, my aching heart , eternally broken, ,your room and toys suspended in time. But baby boy, 
You will always be mine. 

No mummy or daddy could have wanted you more, the aching inside internally present, the sleepless nights that I torture myself, with what if's and maybe' and how do we heal, when our thoughts lead us constantly to our little boy,  for a moment we had you and then you were gone, taken by angels , and placed with the Lord, I hope that they love you and tell you we care and would have given anything for us to be there, I wanted to hold you and keep you with me , but gods plan is greater , in time I will see, though I don't understand it, and it doesn't make sense, for god has my angel right there by his side, and the reason for that is , sadly he died.

Now the point of my poem, is to express what I feel , my heartache and aching , no mortal can heal, I am walking in two worlds one light and one dark, my Sonny is sunshine from heavens above, the thoughts of my baby just feel me with love, the other is anger, resentment and rage, I lost my baby , what a price to have paid, 
The demons come get me when all are asleep, the torment and heartache lay bare at my feet, 
To have lost you has changed me , I am no longer me, they say times a healer , for that i will see, no pain has been greater then losing my boy , the rain cannot be heavier , when there should have been joy . 
Lead me lord this is my prayer , show me the meadow where my boy plays their, let me feel warmth at the end of the day, satisfied that sonny is happy to play, tell him I love him and tell him we care , but mostly tell him one day I'll be there ❤??