Mental Relapse

I'm sitting on the edge with these broken feet 
Got some miles on these shoes and it's killing me 
 No soles just some blistered feet 
Will I get through? 
Or will I call defeat?
Another death must come 
To another part of me
Another relapse proving how hard grieving can truly be 
It's not my fault 
what was brought down upon me 
It's not my fault 
living in a world that couldn't see
Living black and white with blood 
Up and on the screen 
Same old scene 
Same old broken routine 
Buried my demons out in the yard 
Even after cement was poured they came back stronger
Maybe it's time we made a truce 
Like maybe it's time to stop burying them with denial
Sprinkling sod with bullshit truths
It's not my fault
 It's what was asked of me
 The only thing saving me is turning to my own philosophies 
Gotta keep laying down paper for pen
Maybe a broken heart can fully mend 
I can't keep my backyard full of demons
Just because they asked me to means I could lose the season
Even concrete's not hard enough to stop them from thieving 
Troubled soul I'm missing a part of myself 
I can't keep covering it up like I'm in good health 
Demons demons in my yard 
I don't know if I'm to welcome you or fight you 
All I know is the last time
The concrete couldn't hold 
And the grass 
Couldn't grow 
I don't know what's right and I don't know what's wrong
 All I know is I have to turn you over to god
I don't know what to do for I am just a man
This is me throwing in the towel
 and asking for your hand