Millie

This time seems harder than any
I wish.
I wish that I could flip a penny
Land on heads and I'll arrive 
Land on heads and I won't arrive
I wish this hill would be longer 
I ought to be stronger, but I can't
I just can't.
Come on, please be longer 
I know ideally I should be stronger
I know ideally I'm not going to be stronger.

Why did you stick that rizla?
You had to stick that rizla.
"Narcissistic" I call myself 
I like it secretly
Do I?
I'm sure I do
I'm still calling though
Yes, I'm still calling.

You say it's all okay now
I doubt you though
I still doubt you somehow
You forget that I know you
But do I?
Or was it that, what I knew was how you wanted me to perceive you? 
Nonetheless.
I loved you.
I loved the concept of being in love.
With you.
Without you