Missing you.

I don’t know how to do this………..
No manual came with love.
Trying  still to find a place of solace,
I gaze at the rivers crystalline beauty.
Glimpsing the  colourful minnows
weaving through the flowing rush
making rainbows unbidden….
 But I just don’t seem to care…..
Each morning when I wake
I see your face….
Just for a second…
Joy.
Then it’s gone and empty pain continues.
Someone once said ‘There is nothing as whole as a broken heart’
How did they know so well?
As I look in the mirror I wonder why I don’t see
the withering that’s happening inside.
The  constant feeling of choking on unseen tears.
Every time I hope I might be moving forward ,
to  then smell someone wearing your fragrance..
and  feel desolate, lost, abandoned and out of control….
Again…and …again.
My body  is in the present,
my thoughts are in the past
I’m trying hard to be what you wanted me to be,
but fail at every turn..
The phone rings,
Your beautiful face fills the screen,
I cant ever erase it,
I cant ever replace it.