Monster

I'm overwhelmed with this sense of hopelessness.
How could my own children exclude me from their lives?

Am I really that bad,

To be tossed to the side and forgotten?

I have three handsome sons.

Only one talks to me.

If I want to see my other boys,

I have to look on Facebook.

I know I made a lot of mistakes and bad choices.

I wasn't the mom I should have been. 

I wanted to give them everything I never had,

I just... didn't know how.

Love was so foreign to me. 

It was a privilege I never had. 

I had become cold and bitter.

At a young age,

I had to be dead inside.

That was the only way to survive.

My childhood was... Well...

There's no words that can justify it. I went through...

The unspeakable... 

The unthinkable...

My mother was a monster. 

She made Freddy Krueger look like Sesame Street.

This is not an exaggeration. 

She was cruel and evil.

I ran away my 12th birthday.

And didn't look back.

The streets were friendlier. 

I just wanted to be loved.

Just wanted to belong.

But did she create a monster in me?

Did I become everything I swore I'd never be?

I know I was better to my kids

Then she was to me.

But how much better?

I'm not a good mom

Or my children's would still talk to me.

Lord please wipe their memories of all the bad.

So they don't turn out like me.

Maybe it's best they just forget me.

I just want them to be healthy, happy and free.

L. Mack

1/26/25