Mother

It's not 
that I don't 
want to 
think of you
But when 
I do 
I become crippled

The aspect of
not thinking
of you
makes me 
afraid
that I will forget
the sound of your
voice
the comfort of
your words
and the underlying 
understanding
 of
unconditional love

Today
I have to come
with terms
with  guilt
shame and
knowing I 
could have been
a better son
a better man
while you were
living

Knowing that
I can never change
the things I regret
helps me strive
to honor your 
memory
by giving 
grace to 
those 
that have done 
me wrong
and allowing
redemption 
a constant
choice with 
every decision 
made