Mum

I wish that you could see it,
the way it climbs right up my back.
The way it squeezes at my shoulders,
and catches my breath in it’s trap.

I wish that you could see it,
when it keeps me awake all night.
The way it beats too fast in my chest,
and crushes my organs tight.

I wish that you could see it,
the tremble in my hands.
When I’m feeling scared,
I wish you could understand.

I wish that you could see it,
the tapping of my feet,
my fingers quickly drumming,
how I constantly fear defeat.

I wish that you could see it,
when I’m crying in my bed.
When I’m scared to go to work,
because of what they might have said.

I wish that you could see it,
the nightmare I just had.
Because the world is against me,
and everything seems so bad.

I wish that you could see it,
that I just need support,
for you to wrap your arms around me,
and cut the cycle short.

I wish that you could see me,
as the person that I am.
Not judge me for the disease,
I didn’t mean to raise alarm.

I wish that you could understand,
It wasn’t because of me,
It was nothing I had planned.
It just took over me.

I wish that you could see it,
the anxiety I’ve had.
I wish that it would go away,
I’m tired of being sad.