my darkest hour

As I sit here conflicted without a plan to return
To what is mine what little I've earned
I ask the god who gives to me why he took it all away
Should I have stayed just one more day
Did you mean for it to go this way
As I watched my life and love turn into decay
Yet I'm alive to be a witness to my own funeral 
And yet I'm not even in the grave
I'm confused and torn about how to react or even fight back
I've done all I know to do lord and so now I wait I wait on you
My eyes look around and find no way to change
Yet the voice inside said don't stop yet
My life is so very full of regret and shame
I'm so tired of trying to find someone to blame
I blame myself for not letting go and letting you have your way
I put up a good fight but to no avail
I gave it all I had left trying to prevail
Even with all the god in me I now see you wanted it this way
In this fight your bringing about change
First in me and then a great ripple effect
Trying to cause people to connect to who you are all that you can do
The audience you've created for this display
Is much bigger than anyone could perceive
I'm just a nobody I'm just a seed
Planted for your purpose and design no matter how hard I've tried
To put all this pain behind me and just live on
There came a time that running wouldn't change
All of these scenarios you've arranged
I care lord I truly do Mostly I care about you
But also lord for all the players in this game
I care enough lord even for them to change 
Our time is short on this earthly plain yet above all I pray that they all gain
A right perspective of your love and plan
That you would care so much about just one life
That it doesn't matter what comes against
The one you picked for this task you planned
To set free your people who cry out in your name
The ones you love and picked by hand
To be a part of this great plan
So I ask you lord above all things
That my life and this tragedy so full of pain
Bring glory and honor to your holy name
Make it all count this life I've lived
Where everything I've loved was taken away
Not really for purpose or gain mostly I think they did it for pain 
Yet you kept me in the palm of your hand
Never have I said I deserved all you've done
I'm angry and bitter and so tired of it all
I never dreamed it would all go this way
I'm sorry I've made such a mess of this life
This one you so freely sacrificed all you had to gain
Is there a chance that I could still change 
I ask you lord for my hearts desires
To come about before my clock expires
Help me lord to see with my faith and not my eyes 
I have so much to say and do for you 
But in it I ask for the ones I love to be safe from harm sheltered from above
I ask lord for their futures too let there be time for them to know you
Oh God I ask you with all my heart to send your angles into action now
To change this battle somehow
Glory lord and honor due your name is all I'm hoping to gain
Set me free god I know not how
But your word I really believe
And who the son sets free is free indeed