My fault

Wanted to have people around,
Eager to laugh desperate it sounds,
Drawn an imaginary line which i dont cross,
Never gained profit from people just loss,
My life is chained to sadness and fear,
Trapped in walls always in tears,
Always put people ahead of my happiness,
Seeing loved ones smile is what I enjoy,
I want to live not to be a toy,
Dont want myself to be controlled by your choice,
I also want to speak with my inner voice.
Talk about my flaws yes I do have a lot,
When you get angry I feel like getting shot,
Moving on from the past was hard,
You gave me a hope that I can laugh again,
Now I always get scared not to feel that past again,
I just want to be natural and spontaneous,
I dont want to think before pinging you,
I want to live with no fear of losing you,
I want to laugh together with you,
I want to unchain myself from that fear,
I want to run away from those tears,
Yes, I really want to stop running from problems.