My Guilt, My Shame

I feel Guilt. Shame.
I bury them deep inside so they can never change me
I am a detestable thing, barely human
I shall never change, how can I?

My Guilt: always present, a nagging feeling
The kind you get when you lay awake at night
sleepless because of it.

My Shame: Similar to Guilt. More powerful.
I can be forgiven and freed of My Guilt
But I can never forget that dreadful night
I shall never forget the silent quivering wail in my head
I shall never forget that fateful night
The moon did not shine and the stars did not show their faces
Even the lonely streetlamp lay black
As black as the deed which was done

The Widow wails. The child screams.
Both inconsolable, both horrified by what has been committed
Another voice sounds loud within my head
Bursting to make itself heard
Eager to join the dreadful chorus
It is quickly silenced before it can bring its harsh judgement upon me

Suddenly I sit upon a ledge, God knows where
I take a hold of My Guilt. I gather up My Shame
They fester and grow within
I think of those who love me. They are few
I push off. My moment of freedom
Cold icy blackness. I feel myself sinking. Losing my sanity
I scream a silent scream of anguish
I realize: Its over. Humanity is safe from My inhuman self
This gives me peace.
I let the blackness wash over me until there is nothing.