My inner war

16/10/2021
My inner war
MEDIC!
MEDIC!
I’m on the battleground.
My life strewn around me.
Yet in this,
My own war and battlefield,
No medic is clearly in sight.
They are baffled,
Not quite knowing what to do with my life?
Even though my innards and features remain the same,
There’s a battle raging on my inner and my outer side!
They say that Cancer doesn’t hurt?
Then why does it feel like I’m walking on hot coals,
From the tumours in my foot,
My sole.
Raging,
Red hot and searing pain,
Is what I feel everyday but ignore.
As I know that tomorrow it won’t be gone,
It’ll feel worse or the same,
Yet never less than the day before.
Nerve damage all around.
In my legs and my back.
Not all,
from my cancer found.
I’m in a bind,
I’m twisted up,
All entwined and to my life,
My strife is bound.
Tumours pressing on points beneath the skin.
Deep in my muscles and bones,
Even my lungs where 100s Of others, Hide and reside in.
Causing monumental pain.
Leaving me battered and broken.
Continually it gives my system a hiding!
It’s been 21 years now,
I feel like a pack mule,
With the devil on my back riding.
Hauling all my baggage around,
Losing pieces of it though,
Through each person I’m confiding.
It helps you know.
Just to talk,
And to listen,
As manners I'm abiding.
You don’t just offload onto others,
You also lend an ear,
On to every spoken word,
Hanging.
Be attentive,
As you would like them to be to you.
It’s not just being polite and answering,
It’s the right and just thing to do.
If we all talked about things more,
Some of our inner and outer battles would simply disappear.
It would even put a near stop,
To a world torn apart by war.
This is why I put pen to paper.
To get out my thoughts and feelings.
Some deep and old.
Some fresh and raw.
It helps me battle my health demons on the inside each and everyday.
Yet the outside is unprotected,
More each day than the one before.
Still I’m in agonising pain,
      So where’s that damn field MEDIC,
                  I’m screaming out for!