My mate Kat

I've got this really "special" pal,

a feisty, lary, London 'gal.

Her tendency for loud and bold,

a cover for her heart of gold.

She's loving kind and generous,

her breasts are pert, not pendulous,

and bloody hell can she walk fast,

dropping farts for turbo blast!!!

In fact was she who coined the term

"a bum doctor!!!" when tummies churn

with gas that makes you moan and gasp

before exploding with a rasp!

She raced my sis one drunken night,

Shone rode a bike, Kat's feet took flight.

She pounded pavement with her soles,

while Shona shook her belly rolls

by pedalling with all her strength,

Kat up ahead at least a length,

a final gasp and down Sho crashed,

Kat claimed her victory unabashed.

Or how about her metatarsals?

Mini He-men are those rascals.

Take it from a friend who knows,

you can't defeat those wrestling toes!

I s'pose she don't fit every taste

but those that turn their backs in haste,

are missing out on so much fun

"cos Kathleen Slater's number one!!!!