My Secret Daughter

For 22 weeks you were mine.

It was the best time of my life, the happiest I've ever been. I throw around the word "love" like a beachball. You're the second person I've ever truly loved. The first was my second mummy Miss Teresa. I hope you've met her in Heaven and I bet she's taking good care of you.

I miss you every day, and think of where we would be today.

You would be two. And I wonder if you'd be how my coworkers talk about their little girls. Would you give me that much trouble?

Would you be a monkey like your mummy?

Would you have dark Puerto Rican skin like your dad?

You were the cutest little bump. I miss it all the time. By 18 weeks it was hard to hide you with hoodies anymore. But I still managed. My itty bitty secret.

I remember when they told me you were a girl, I got so excited because I'd get to name you after Teresa. Anessa Teresa. That's you. And I could dress you in little tutu's and bows. 

I have to admit I still have the outfit I bought for you.

But my darling I hate to say I fear to eat because when I do I get a bump just like you and it kills me.

I'm so sorry for what he did to you. That stupid stupid pill. I'm sorry you never got to live and have a life. 

You don't know how badly I wanted to follow you that night. 

I love you. My beautiful baby girl.