My Sister: Part 4

Life is like a dream. Right and wrong. Love and hate. They all get burried with the passing of time and leave quietly with no trace. Do you still think that you don't have my whole heart and resent me? I'm always worried that I may have left you with hatred instead of love, not allowing you to rest in peace. I still love you. When you gave up everything and stood by me in the rain...When you threw your body in the way of deciving smiles and murderous rumours to protect me... you became someone I could never forget in my life.

Over time I have come to realize that the opposite of loving someone is not hating them, but leaving them. I am afraid that you may think that I left you, and that you had left me. Even though it has now been many years, I still yearn for you so much, but I can't be near you. I hope and wait to see you again inside these fences, I'll wait for you... everyday. I will always be your person, as you are mine.

Back then, I thought you didn't read my letters because you still despised me so much, that you still blamed  me for our situation; because of that time when I  didnt trust you, but I see now, misunderstanding are the worst tragedies. Even if you don't read this letter, I hope you know how much I love you, even when you had changed so much that I couldn't even recognize you, I still loved you.  

And if you just happen to read this letter, know that I was pregnant with his  child. Although most women hope and pray to give their lover a son at that time, I know he wanted a daughter first. It is for this reason that I am most elated that our baby is a girl. She reminds me so much of you. Even though she is only 6 years old, there are times when I look at her and all I see is you. Looking at her, I can't help but think of all the amazing times I had with you and our brothers when we were young. It then brings my heart great sadness to remember that only four of them still breathe. If you do happen to see this letter, know that I do not wish for my daughter to live in that place. It's so cold and lonely there, so many people will want to use her the way they did me; constantly being pull back and forth between sides. When we were younger they used me as the leash to keep him as a dog. I will not let my daughter live that way.

This you ought to know... better than anyone else, who I wanted to be with. Even though I spent my life caught between all of you, I have never regretted it or the love I had for you and our brothers. Those times were the best of my life. I will soon die with absolutely no regrets.

We once talked about how we would explain all of this to our children  when they're older. Don't worry, I'll tell her the truth while I still have time. I fell in love with a man whose entire world was falling apart around him, and even though no one asked him to, that man loved me back.

Forever your dearest sister,
Tatianna