To my son

I lost my love through a battle with cancer.  I was left with a son, and I just had no answer.  One of my sorrows was: I was no longer a wife.  I wanted to leave but I created a life.

My son's happiness was eclipsed because whatever is precious seems so short lived;  we were lucky to have the time they could give.

Whenever our loved ones depart, God takes their bodies but they leave their hearts. God breaths out and a loved one is born.  God breathes in and takes the loved one home.

I no longer was mommy when he turned seventeen.  I was now bitch, cunt and mean words between.  My son does not realize the devastation I feel;  I am lost, hurt and nothing seems real.

I will love my son unconditionally until the day I die.  I only wish my boy knew that it was his tears I cry.  Perhaps when he has a child of his own, he will find a happiness he has never known.  If his child calls him the most evil things, he may someday remember the deep hurt it brings.

I never thought I would give birth to a baby so sweet.   I never thought my son would release the cruelest of words meant to defeat his mother, who was already broken down and beat.

I knew you had anger and wanted relief, but I never thought you, Zak, would hurt me beyond my belief.

I won't sign mommy or even mom... I am only a "CUNT" to whom you were born.