My sound

He never told her he didn't love who she was.
He never told her he wanted her to change. 
She told herself she wasn't good enough because of the girls he cheated with. 
She told herself she wasn't pretty enough because she didn't look like the girls that he admired. 
It wasn't his actions that made her loose herself 
it was the lack of love and understanding she had with herself that made her feel lost...

Sometimes we like to blame other people for being the reason we lose ourselves. 
We like to think that we have an understanding of who we are 
so that means we couldn't possible be the reason for loosing who we once was. 
But what we don't realize is 
if we love ourselves enough 
we could never get lost...

But she doesn't like to admit she doesn't love herself. 
She doesn't like to admit when she is wrong. 
So she digs deep into every chapter in her past that consist of a bad memory 
to try and figure out where everything went wrong. 
Not realizing she's barring herself in a hole of pain and regret that's deeper than she can climb out of. 
She's loosing herself all over again. 
She's loosing interest in trying to move forward. 
She realized everything she gave up. Everyone she ran away from 
and who's to blame for all the pain. 
So she's stuck living in the past, 
beating herself up for everything she did wrong. 
Every poor decision she made 
and every good decision she didn't make.
She's regretting her existence because she regrets 90% of her past...

So she makes a few cuts to take the pain away. 
Than start to pop a few pills because she wanted to die those days. 
Three hospital visits later she starts to roll up to help her fly away. 
After being diagnosed with what feels like everything. 
She doesn't understand the thoughts that run through her head. 
Or half the things that she says. 
She doesn't know what makes her happy or what makes her sad. 
She doesn't know what she likes to do for fun 
so she only dose what needs to be done. 

She's tired of the madness, the pain and regret. 
She wants to live life and be content with it. 
So she slowly teaches herself how to walk again. 
To be able to stand tall again. 
Showing herself how to love and to be a friend. 
So she can show her dad she's a fighter 
and to be able to give her mom a respectable daughter. 
She didn't really know where to start. 
So she just decided to pick up some paper and a pen. 
And realized through her words, 
I was able to find my voice again.