My Stefan

*******I Know This Poem Is Really Long But I Fell in Love With Every Word I Wrote*******

My Stefan,

I love you even though you don't love me back.

When my crush first developed for you,

I just about had a heart attack.

Let me recap.

I'm a 16 yr old boy,

You're a 16 yr old boy.

When you look at me,

I feel complete joy.

You have a girlfriend,

I’ve never been in a relationship.

When you carelessly smile that sweet smile of yours,

My heart skips.

I shouldn't feel this way,

I've been told my whole life that it's wrong.

But it doesn't feel forced,

It’s not like ‘gay’ rang the doorbell,

“Ding Dong.”

It feels natural,

Like it's meant to be.

But If I was to tell you my feelings,

You'd say I was crazy.

You'd curse, beat me up,

And threaten.

But that's exactly what I'm not gettin’.

I didn't choose this,

So why do people treat people like me, like this?

I'm scared,

So frightened.

Because in the last week,

My feelings for you have heightened.

Do I finally tell you?

Or do I let this eat me up inside?

I want to bang my head against a wall,

All my thoughts collide.

“Stefan……..I……………….I-----”,

“I CAN'T DO THIS!”

I punch my bathroom mirror,

A shard touches my freckled cheek as soft as a kiss.

I sink to the floor,

And sob.

In the ugly midst of my tears,

I hear the turn on the door knob.

My older sister,

Only by about 2 years.

Rushes to floor next to me and frantically asked “WHAT HAPPENED?!”,

But telling anyone my secret is my worst fear.

I told her I slipped

And fell.

She doesn't believe it for a second,

I could tell.

Once she decides not to argue,

She comforts me more and more.

After she finished sweeping up the mess

On the floor,

She left out the door.

Leaving me to crawl into bed,

With my hand all sore.

What am I to do?

Is there any way to make this Stefan situation better?

Maybe send him an e-mail?

Perhaps write a letter?

Why do I like boys?

My brain is tugging a thousand different directions.

Is there any way to stop it,

Any preventions?

Once I think so hard,

I think my ears might pop.

I close my eyes, focus on my breathing,

Praying for it to stop.

Before I slip away into sweet slumber,

One last thought lingers on my mind.

This is just new to me right now,

When I get older these feelings won't be scary,

They’ll be gentle and kind.

Just hope,

My conscious’s voice trembles.

One day everything will fall into place,

Everything will assemble.

When I turn and tussle, late at night,

I wear a wide smile on my face that's,

So bright.

I love you even though you don't love me back,

My Stefan.

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