My suicidal cure (part 18)

Ashes

Ashes, grey flecks, floating,

Drifting away on the wind.

Slowly shake my head,

My evidence up in smoke,

Burned away, definite arson. 

Watch as the fire chief departs,

Leaving me to mull the wreckage. 

So close...so close!

Damn it, how did he figure out I was here?

After agonising minutes,

No closer to an answer,

I step up to the shell that remains,

Smoking, smouldering, remainder of a construct.

This house, so much like our lives,

We build, make secure, beautify the outside,

Hiding the darkness, the hurt within,

Concealed from all to see,

Yet...yet so easily destroyed by a spark,

Consumed, ravaged, obliterated from memory,

With only a hint of what once was.

I stare dispassionately at where once the flowers bloomed,

Unknowing of its impending doom,

Unconcerned with the lives we live.

Nothing in the ruins gives up its clues,

All burned away, cleaned from this world.

Disconsolate, I return to my car,

To mull this turn of events.

This murderer obviously returned home,

When I went to his little play he staged.

Our paths crossed again without our ken.

So close, almost tangible. 

I slam the steering wheel in frustration!

I feel the anger circling like a shark,

Waiting, biding its time to strike.

So close...all the clues adding up,

To equal what?

What story is he trying to tell?

My head rests on the steering wheel,

I feel its cool, soothing touch,

As it touches my hot brow.

Where fore hides my muse?

My guide in dark times,

That holds my hand and leads me not astray?

Silent she is, trapped behind a wall of anger,

That I myself keep building.

Segregated, I hear her pounding,

But without her touch...I am useless,

To break my own construct.

Out there, somewhere, he is planning

And I cannot help but feel a conclusion is coming.

Good or ill, it will be final,

His master piece completed or not,

It shall haunt me forever!

Reluctantly I start the car and drive off home,

Closure eluding me still.

I return to my empty, cold home,

Much like my fabricated life.

Win or lose...I shall not be unscathed!