My Worth

What do you do when for years you held so much back and now its lost? 
Through sleepless nights to heavy heartache and pain, not one day goes by that I don't think about you. 
I remember the taste of your lips, the way you smelled, the smile you had and the way you danced. 
I ask God everyday to take away all my pain and sorrow and make me whole again. 
Is there such a thing as being whole after so much one's been through?
I cry myself to sleep nightly as I drift away dreaming of you. 
How could there be so much I loved in you, that its just gone ?
Was I not fighting enough to make you stay or was I too blind to see what God put in front of me? 
My mind has lost all feeling, its numb like a shot of lidocaine to the lips.
As my emotions are gone I sit and wonder “What I did to deserve such feelings this deep?” 
They are swept away deep in a locked vault for no one else to see or feel. 
I must be out of my mind to where I believe Im crazy. 
I stopped taking the medicine cuz it went cloudy. 
Dark into the woods like a ghost not knowing rather I'm dead or alive. 
I know I’m in this world for a purpose, yet I haven’t figured out what that is.
With countless tears on my pillow, grief and regrets I can’t fix.
I stand here thinking to myself “ Does someone out there LOVE me” for me?
To know that I’m so lost right now and don’t know who I am anymore, worries me.
I need to find that person I lost when I lost you.
It may take me years or months to find me, but aren’t I worth it?
Am I worth really letting go and loving?
I don’t have time to get hurt over and over.I’ve been there, done that.
I’d like to feel the wind on my face and smell the rain when its pouring.
To fight for something so strong that nothing takes it from me. Not even the devil.
For God to look down on me and be relieved and happy of who I have become.
I WANT love. I want lust. I WANT God.
Bind my heart together with the one who is meant for me.
To love me so fiercely that I crumble to the sound of his name.
Make my heart stronger than I knew imaginable.
Let me feel what its like to fall in love with myself again.
Because God knows my secrets, my pain, my heartache and my struggles.
Yet he believes in me and knows where my life is leading.
I need the chance to be great again. To love, to pray and to live.
Im not asking for perfection or fancy things, just to live life with no regrets.
No wishing why things happened the way they did or ask why me?
I wanna wake up knowing that the day before was worth it and great.
No more misery or heartache tearing me down.
More me loving me and realizing my worth.