No Hope

I sit with my broken heart in my hand and all I can think is here I go again, when will this crazy ride ever end

This ride is full of tears and it just seems to go on for yrs and yrs

Thought it was behind me, because success was all I could see

But in reality I lifted myself up, just to break a new record of sorrow and pain.

I wanted the pain to go away, and to finally stay away

I did everything right, but at the end of the tunnel was no light

I thought life would be different, better way of life they said

I’m starting to only think that’s true when I’m dead

I take 2 steps forward and get knocked back 10 more

I’m tired of gettin back up so I can be knocked back down

Maybe I should just stay down this time, there’s no reason or rhyme

Why I’m back here time after time... 

Thought I was good person, and was forgiven for my sins 

But in the end I’ll never win.. 

So as I stare at the water in front me, once more I’m begging “Father forgive me” 

You said you’d never leave me nor forsake me

But here I am all alone again, not even knowing where to once again begin

I should know this path pretty well, but honestly I can’t even tell

That I’ve been here my hole life, it’s always nothing but strife

Give up or go on

I don’t even know, “To thine own self be true” is forever on my skin

But even that ain’t helpin me win, this battle of constantly not being good enough, 

What to do when it’s this tough?

Fight or flight is my only options, and I’m tired of fighting and tired of running

I’ve walked thru the fire to many times to count, but yet i still don’t amount 

To be looked at in a different light, 
God damnit this isn’t right. 

In the end it is what it is, and I am what I am
And no amount of hard work is goin to change what I am... 

A failure in everything I try
But just plz tell me why?

Mom I’m sorry for being the way I am
You were right life ain’t easy

But damn this shit is crazy. I miss you more than words can say, 

A glimmer of hope is more toxic than strychnine 

Hope will ruin you
Strychnine just kills 

Hope I’ll see you again one day, and I’m not in pain. The pain is so deep 

Slowly to deaths door I creep.