Not proud

I started self prescribing
When i was twenty two
My health had taken a dive
And i didnt know what to do

I saw the doctor daily
I had enough blood tests
And everytime i got advice
I always done my best

Months went past and i got worse
My loved ones were so scared
I didnt tell them how bad i was
Their worry should be spared

I couldn't eat a single thing
I weighed only 6 stone 4
I was very weak and very tired
I couldn't take anymore

I started smoking cannabis
To help me to gain weight
The doctors were not helping
My agony was so great

It done the job i thought i would
I actually managed to eat
I even put a stone back on
But it still feels bitter sweet

My problem hasnt gone away
Every time i try to quit
The sickness comes and takes me down
In A&E is where i sit

I have been here too many times
I guess i made my own bed
I was only trying to help myself
I didnt want to end up dead

And now i cant come off it
I try i really do
But i cant go back to how i was
Its something i cant go through