Not so perfect mum

 

I quit my job today. I think you know the one. I told them all I'm finished, I'm sick and tired of being mum

 

I'm not sure that they heard me 

because when dinner time arrived

 hungry people started 

to appear before me

 so I ran away to hide

 

I sat alone in silence as the mayhem slowly began to rise, I covered my ears so tightly as tears built up silently leaked from my eyes

 

"I'm just having another bad day",

Thats what I tell myself

 I know this feeling soon will pass, 

but right now I need to stop

 putting my feelings in last

 

You see

Someone ALWAYS needs me

There's so much that 

I probably should see through, 

but as soon as I finish 

one mindless task,

 I"ll find ten more stupid jobs to do

 

Today was much like any day

 I was early out of bed, I had'nt slept more than two hours together and a headache pounded loudly through my head

 

I couldn't make a coffee as the milk again was gone, so I sulked and cursed my way to work, knowing that this morning had started out all wrong

 

I rushed home after milking 

to sort the kiddies out

We had but 15mins to spare, 

before it was time to go

So i wake and feed them breakfast 

And sort yet another washing load

 

It's now I start to do that thing

That a lot of us mothers do

 I'd start about twentyseven different jobs, Unable to see any of them through 

 

I go to put the washing on 

but i see the powder is all gone 

 I head to the kitchen to add it to 

my list of shopping that later il do

 

I start to make school lunches 

but when I open up the fridge

 I see it needs a wipe down and

 as i start on this 

I add more fridge items to my list

 

I start to fill the dishwasher, 

but remember I had seen 

two coffee cups on the living room floor and 3 breakfast bowls not clean. 

 

I head off to grab those dishes

 but now I'm staring at the floor 

I think il have to vacuum and mop so I head for the hallway door 

 

As I go to start the vacuum its the rubbish bin I saw 👀 

half it's contents spilling out  

 So I take it and put it out the door

 

And now I spot the freezer 

and the dreaded thought 

creeps up on me 

I need to get some meat out 

and think what on earth il cook tonight for tea

 

I don't send the kids to school today

" it's fine " I tell myself 

maybe if they are home today

 I can ask them for some help?

 

I work my 9 paid hours such a busy farming job, Guess now iv got to find the strength to go home and be the wife and busy working mum

 

The house looks as though its been hit by some sort of disaster, possibly a tornado or a lightning storm, 

one child's crying loudly

 the others bouncing off the walls

 

So it's now in this moment

 I loose all my self-control 

I raise my voice and anannounce 

" I'm finished being mum today"

Im done , its over, I'm through.

 

I'm crying uncontrollably 

hiding behind the washouse door

 im feeling sad but angry with my self

 that I don't want this job nomore

 

I know I'm meant to be the mum

 and that it's a full time 'special' job 

I'm just so damb tired

 and this days been rather long

 

I meltdown for an hour

 I cry silent but want to shout,

 then I hear two little voices from behind the door that say...

"mummy when are you coming out?"

 

I pull myself together, take some deep breaths, first one then two then four

Then with one final calming breath,

 I push and open up the door

 

They tackle me both giggling

 we all fall down laughing a little more

We land into a pile of dirty clothing that's exploded on the floor

 

I start to think more clearly 

and It apparent now to me,

 that the messy house iv been so stressed about, isn't the house that these kids could ever see

 

It not about the rooms or all the untidy things I saw,

 it about this house being their happy place, And right now OUR home 

Lays cuddling on a dirty laundry floor

 

I may be the maid, the cook,the calendar and alarm ,I'm also the best singer the've ever heard, I'm a party planner and a teacher a part time lawyer and a judge ,I'm the doctor and the nurse, I'm Santa, toothfairy and easter bunny, im a big long list of things but I only answer to mum or mummy

 

I'm going to have good days where I allow a messy house then some days I might want to quit and hide, cry and feel sorry for myself

 

Il never have things perfect 

But each time i look at my two son's

I know that I was chosen just for them

to be their not so perfect mum

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