Numb

Growing up in an abusive home
difficult on the heart
I tried to maintain a normal life
at a point I wasn't allowed contact with other people..
I was isolated 
Four walls surrounding me
White walls,
a bed, and a carpet.
All day, everyday.
No way to have friends, 
experience emotions,
experience being a teenager.
I blame that on the numbness
I don't feel anything.
Before it all, 
I had a soul,
desires, wants, needs.
I believed in 
love,
god,
a future.
I live day by day,
no persistent thoughts
no way to feel like I used to.
The old me left.
If I could find it,
Maybe I'd be better lyrically again.
Not being able to socialize,
communicate, 
it's not a life.
You don't learn to feel.
Anxiety rushes through my body
talking to my closest friend now.
I wasn't raised like a kid,
I was raised like a caged up dog.
Sad. 
Only emotion I feel on occasion
because I still grieve the old me.