Numbing Adolescent.

I feel defeated. 
I feel drained. 
Everything is on my mind and nothing all at once. 
I ignore it all and pretend to smile. 
Pretending is harder than screaming. 
Farther I dive into this deep abyss.
This deep abyss of sadness and regret. 
Regretting not letting go when I was told to. 
But in my adolescents I was a fool. 
Now I'm laying here drowning in this bed. 
A bed full of heartache and tears. 
I will live like this for many years. 
It all hurts so bad that I'm numb. 
I know you're pricking me but I feel nothing. 
All I want is to release it all. 
To scream my mind. 
But I'm not in that place.
So I'll sit here in this drowning bed. 
Allowing my thoughts to actively swallow me. 
Maybe tomorrow I'll change, 
But today I want to stay this way.