OH OUR BERTY

" Ooh our Berty! will ya stop ya chuffin wining? ya look ok! "

" But look our Gerty! it`s not just fallin out!

It`s gone white! that`s bloody worse than going grey"

" Ooh our Berty! I`ve just about ad me fill!!

So its off to Boots with you an me today!! "

" What the eck for!! there`s no magic pill is there? "

" No but there`s a bottle with your flippin name on it!!

And don`t ya worry pally me old lad!! I`ll get ya sorted with that chuffin hair!! "

So off they went!

To Boots the Chemist, was their aim!

Peace and quiet was Gerty`s game!

In the queue she did wait.

She`d got the bottle! Boy!! was she in a state!!

Just to get back home! Oh Lord!! she couldn`t wait!

Her nerve`s with his wining, were in a right old mess!

So there he was in the nuddy! in case anything went wrong!

He just sat there waiting with trembling hands!

Thinking what if his mates came knocking?

Would they still think him a man?

" Oh Lord! what am I about to do with my poor old Berty?!

What if it goes wrong?! "

Thought a worried and frazzled Gerty!

" Okey doke me duck!! here we go!!

Bend ya head for me down real low! "

" What colour am I avin?! "

" Pink with green chuffin spots!! now keep blummin still !! "

" Brown would be nice! but I don`t think it really matters! "

" Ooh our Berty!!! now look what you`ve done !!

You`ve made a flippin splatter!!

Now me nice new rugs got all messed up!!

I`d better go get the bleach!! and the chuffin mop! "

" Ooh hurry up me duck!! its chuffin cold! "

` Oh Lord!! ` Berty thought!

` Why do I have to be nearly bald?

And to make matters worse! what there is has gone white!!

Me hair used ta be, just so chuffin right! `

" Will ya bloody get a move on our Gerty!!

In`t it time?

Ya said wash it off about half  bloody nine!! "

" I know I did me duck " ` eeh!!... oh blood and sand !!!... `

" Ooh bloody chuff!... can`t ya wash ya own bloody hair?!

Just look at the mess you`ve made of me new bloody chair!!

And the new chuffin rug!

 Oh eck!!.... look at it now! our Berty!!

Right in the chuffin middle where people will bloody stare!! "

" Ooh eck me duck!! I`m sorry!

I`ll do it meself don`t you fret! but ya know how I hate gettin chuffin wet!!

Oh Lord!! Now look at me!!  how the bloody chuff do I wash me skin?!!

I`ve gone all black!!

I thought ya said it would be brown!!!

Now all me chuffin wrinkles av got it in!! "

" Oh come here our Berty! I`ll try ta get it out with the bleach! "

" OH MY GOD!!!! NO CHUFFIN BLOODY CHANCE!!!!

I`ll use as much of the bloody soap that I can!

Ooh our Gerty!! look at the state of me now!!!

An I was going out with the lads for a pint!!! "

" Ooh stop ya chuffin wining our Berty!! for heavens bloody sake!!

Ooh!!.... but ya do look funny me duck!!

Now ya`r in a right chuffin state!!! "