old used up smiles

I will not
Sprinkle flowers or angels
or cherubs
I will not
Stay in line or in tune with
the lie
I will not
Calmly sniff into lace squares
awaiting
Or bravely regurgitate old
used up smiles

If god wanted pretty
He should not have done
ugly
If I am to suffer then so too
shall he
I will not keep it quiet or
graceful or private
I will screech out the truth
For the whole world to see

For if god wanted pretty
He should not have done
ugly
So I blacken his flowers
And spit out his name
For he ripped you away and
so shredded my heart
And for that I now tear all
his cherubs apart

For I once was his pretty
But now I'm turned ugly
But then,
Am I not all of Him
And so,
All of his name?

So if i'm turned ugly
Twas god turned me so
And like it or not, I give Him
all the blame

M P 8/5/22