On Wretchedness

Though I am as dust and ash
Ultimately,
I shall endeavor
To speak with my God
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In prayer:
I know that the ancient enemy
Is known in me
Of this I am sure you are aware
But in my dreams my heart is steely
Where time stands still and great fear is there
Strangling my sense of right and wrong
Then time, slows again, but more vehemently
To reveal the face of evil's resolve
In red waterfalls and bloody testimony
Pray Lord,
Of what am I dreaming?
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Is it my judgments, my decisions
Simply haunting me
For as I recall in retrospect
My actions were not Godly
But so selfishly self indulgent
That hard I pray for forgiveness
Even though I know it's not there,
Shall I be afraid dear Lord?
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For sometimes I suffer in pain
From your wrath
And for that
Which I know I deserve
But when will I know
My murderous heart
Bleeds a new blood
Of humility,
When will I comprehend
The depths
And the tears
Of my
Well deserved
Wretchedness....

Tony Taylor
* from my new home
In North Carolina