OOH` OUR BERTY !!!

" Ooh our Berty will ya stop ya chuffin wining? ya look ok! "

" But look our Gerty! it`s not just falling out!

It`s gone white!! that`s bloody worse than going grey!"

" Oh our Berty I`ve just about had me fill!

So it`s of to Boots with you and me today! "

" What the eck for? there`s no magic pill is there? "

" No but there`s a chuffin bottle with your flippin name on it!

And don`t ya worry pally me old lad, I`ll get ya sorted with that chuffin hair!! "

So off they went to Boots the chemists was their aim.

Peace and quiet was Gerty`s game.

In the queue she did wait.

She`d got the bottle! boy was she in a state!

Just to get back home! oh Lord!! she couldn`t wait.

Her nerves with his wining were in a right old mess!!

So there he was in the nuddy incase anything went wrong!

He just sat there waiting with trembling hands!!

Thinking what if his mates came knocking?!

Would they still think him a man?!!

" Oh Lord! what am I about to do with my poor old Berty?

What if it goes wrong?! "

Said a worried and frazzled Gerty!

" Okey doke me duck! here we go!

Bend ya head for me down real low "

" What colour am I havin ?! "

" Pink we green chuffin spots! now keep bloody still! "

" Brown would be nice! but I don`t think it really matters! "

" Oh our Berty!! now look what you`ve done!!

You`ve made a chuffin splatter!!

Now me nice new rugs got all messed up!!

I`d better get the bleach and a bloody mop! "

" Oh hurry up me duck! it`s bloody cold!

Oh Lord Berty thought! why do I have to be nearly bald?!

And to make matters worse! what there is has gone bloody white!!

Me hair used to be just chuffin right!

Will ya bloody get a move on our Gerty!?

In`t it time?

Ya said wash it off about half nine! "

" I know I did me duck!

Oh bloody chuff!! can`t ya wash ya own bloody hair?

Just look at the mess you`ve made of me new chair!!!

And the new bloody rug!

Oh eck....!! look at it now our Berty!!

Right in the chuffin middle where people will bloody stare!! "

" Oh eck me duck! I`m sorry!

I`ll do it meself! don`t you fret! but ya know how I ate gettin bloody wet!!

Oh Lord how the bloody chuff do I wash me skin??

I`ve gone all black!! I thought you said it would be brown!!

Now all me chuffin wrinkles av got it in!! "

" Oh come ere our Berty! I`ll try an get it out with the bloody bleach! "

" OH MY GOD!! NO BLOODY CHUFFIN CHANCE!!

I`ll use as much of the bloody soap that I can!!

Oh our Gerty!! look at the state of me now!!

And I was goin out with the lads for a pint! "

" Oh stop ya chuffin wining our Berty!! for heavens chuffin sake!

Oooh.... but ya do look funny me duck!!

Now ya in a right chuffin state!! "