Perfectly broken

Realizing or sayin outloud how hurt i am about all the things i witnessed. Things i heard and seen and felt. Being older and realizing that i am alone. Realizing that noone can protect me or noone knew i needed protecting. When you are older you realize everything from what you remember when you were young. And its makes you sick to your stomach. Seeing girls at 5 years of age runnin around or playing & for some reason what happened to you pops in your head. Any kind of love or affection you second guess. Because YOU were USED. YOU were an object to someone. Not being able to love yourself because you feel like ur body is tainted. Your body is ruined and not innocent. When your older you stop to think of what you can do to get better and be happy but you cant think of anything. Wishing your parents were your bestfriends but as hard as you try to be you cant. Thinking if its normal to not have that connection with your parents. Realizing you love your parents but you hate them for not protecting your innocence. Hating them for crying because of the yelling on the other side of the door. Hating them both because of what your mom was doing to herself because of your dad. You watching her drink and drink and drink and drive. Seeing your dad protect the enemy instead of his own. And the only person to make you happy is another broken person. Both of eachothers brokeness and scratches and holes and dents come together with yours and become whole. Sometimes the pieces fall off and it hurts both but somehow it comes back together. You make me whole. You are my happy place