Personal Hell

As I sit in this fire
I realize it's what I've always desired. 
Ive stranded myself in this hell. 
In here is where I dwell. 
It's crowded in this room. 
I know I won't get out of this soon. 
You see, I created my own hell. 
Just for me. Not anyone else. 
It's I who must suffer. 
Only me alone. 
Each passing day the fire takes a new tone. 
I wish that I could go back. 
Back to the place I once called home
But I burned it to the ground. 
I messed up when I lost my self control. 
My pain got a hold of me. 
My anger was a release. 
Everything about it was a little bittersweet. 
I started getting scared. 
My family did too. 
I tried to play it off. 
I did the best I could,
But I was an open flame
When I caught myself in the mirror. 
All I could see was shame. 
The pain just kept on coming
The God's I called summoning. 
No one ever answered.
I don't think they cared. 
So I chose this for myself. 
That's why I'm stuck here. 
Living in my personal hell.