Pray to God

Oh dear I realise I am the one holding myself prisoner after all this time.

I am awake. I am afraid.

I feel like Ive left the dog out in the rain, my heart is in tatters.

I need to let go of doubts, guilt, whatever this is that's pulling me into the darkest spot. 

I can fight, I can soothe, I can win.Never lose.

These last few days have been all upside down. I can sing and dance and please. I can help myself to ease. The pain is hidden, the knife is sharp. My heart needs lifted, warmed and readjusted. My head is fuzzy, my muscles tender. I scream out to myself and listen for hope. 

I thank the order, the purpose, I look for meaning. I search the universe for a better feeling. I pray and rest and bother my nerves. I open my soul to the Lord my God.
Amen