Relapse or recovery

My thoughts are scattered, my heart is shattered
seems I always forget what matters.
I may seem quiet but in my head a continuous riot.
Looking past my blinds, I'm in a place that confines.
Every situation more intense then the last,
Each time redefines me leaving me holding on to my past.
I haven't cut for a year or two,
All I have left is deep breathing and squeezing ice cubes....