And Yet

I keep it under control, 
this monster
...this menace
...this sickening cancer 
that surrounds 
all of me yet, 

not me...

...yet...

...and yet...
it seeks me.

It waits 
in the shadows 
as I work, 
as I play.
as I shower, 
as I pray.

It plans, 
it devises, 
it conspires. 
Mostly,
...it just waits.

It waits for me 
to be human 
and err.

It waits for me 
to drop 
my defenses.

It waits for me 
to focus on that 
which I focus...
the antidote and 
the cure from 
its deadly grip.

Should I bask 
in my medicine 
a bit too much, 
dream of its oasis 
and that world 
so infinitely far
from the cancer amongst, 
the tumor 
surrounding us 
and me,
the poison that swirls 
in the veins 
of so many, 
it will strike in earnest.

And when it does 
it catches me cold, 
its full furor and fury,
drape upon my soul, 
its tentacles 
quickly ensnare me,
and like the boa, 
they tighten 
with each breath I take.

And so, 
should I find a way 
to break free 
once again
I learn and remember; 
"take my medicine 
but never close my eyes!"

I sit here now, 
hearing music 
that reminds me 
of this tumor within.

Watching scenes play out, 
each with a reminder 
of the terror 
of this beast. 
It seems everywhere 
I look now,
as I all too slowly 
remove the poison 
I've just ingested,
reminds me vividly 
of the horror I've experienced. 

Sadly, 
as I find my way 
back to sanity, 
back to me,
a little bit of that poison 
remains within 
and like 
the half-life of plutonium 
it shall remain 
for so long, 
so long.

And yet,
I climb back up.
get on my saddle,
and I ride.

The farther I ride,
the farther from
the beast I go.

and yet,
it follows,
distantly behind.