Rooms

Lights on
A porcelain white cloaks my walls
And it seems to conjure up the purity of life
There’s nothing in the room so far
A tan four-legged table for sure to keep things standing
And a black vase that seems to keep a yellow chrysanthemum prisoner
Is it a source of disturbance? Prediction, maybe?
They think I'm going insane
Little do they know that there’s still a flame of sanity burning brightly before I do
No one knows for sure what they see in me
They think they can beseech a diagnosis out of me, and it makes me sick
Afterward, a sudden wave of lies follow
My heart remains to be made of glowing gold
It can be pounded with a tool out of hate and desire to shape any ugly thing
Until all that remains is something small or unrecognizable
They trapped me in here with influences of joy and hope so I could ignore the discontent that resides in my mind
But they don’t want to realize the truth         so, shield me
From the coats of lies like the polish on the floors
Brace yourself from a dire stigma that takes form of a girl
Because the truth is                I’m an experiment
Gone wrong of course, but you already knew     what happens to experiments
They need to be eliminated        but not yet 
I had to be scrubbed away of any hope        drain me of a brisk healthy
Take-charge of this ball of fire     transform me into a new and refreshing blur of wicked
Disillusionize me from any reassurance     bleed me dry from any humanity that’s itching to stay
Obliterate me from the care in my salty tears     fulfill me with chagrin
Trap me in a room with a midnight black vase and a bright yellow flower
And let me fathom a beautiful sight of death with silence 
The vase is the gun         the flower a bullet         that I couldn’t dodge
It pierced my heart             tainted my life
They placed me in another room before this        everything opposite of the one after it
It was a jet black that covered the walls, and only
A white vase, but no flower instead
Just the petals that are too faded to tell what color resided before it 
And cast an ugly brown instead
Crinkled and dwindled of life
Like I thought was going to be me in the future
Its too fortunate that flowers die faster that humans
I was kept in that room
Only the obsidian walls were dead on when it came to outlining my tarnished heart
Black traced it like a border, not fully interfering         yet
Lights off
There wasn’t a sudden stop of footsteps that was supposed to be my rescue under the door 
 I’m lost in limbo         it became too much for me to handle  
Finally, the depravity that has waited so long took control of my heart
No border to separate the good and bad
I should have known that it was sullied at the beginning, that it was a cancer that I was too blind to see
Lights on
It annihilated me     but it was relieving me of my sorrows 
No more tears        wide eyes of curiosity        as I stare at an art of obscurity
Metamorphose me from a girl to a doormat         stain me with mud after a hard day
Control me until I’m someone else’s burden            are you tired of me yet?
Erase any empathy you have for me            block out any noises you hear
Look me in the eye and tell me     when they’re going to waste my last moments with words 
Or        don’t
Surprise me with a spur of the moment         make me mortified with my mistakes 
I get off on it                                the darkness        
Know who I am     comprehend that I’m not like the others who failed as well
Trounce me by making me look at an image of beautiful death        attempt to subdue me
Create an endeavor to evoke any bad emotion from me     don’t let me stay in this ill-starred life
Let me shiver of my shame         as I wonder of my own freedom 
Make me stare at a lovely death in the eye        plague my head with pretty thoughts
My body is weak         I feel faint
Let me flash a fake smile             ponder about what comes after this
Fade away from the world slowly            with an audience on the edge of their seats
As I whisper goodbye             my eyes blinking and reopening slowly 
I’m full of pixels            the flower is still there     but being blacked out quickly
I'm disintegrating from the world hastily     breath by breath
I fell to the ground             a loud landing followed
I’m sorry I couldn’t do it         I loved being a subject of evil too much
The flame was blown out in a rush                        so I guess        
Lights off