Sad Poems

No one wants me to write sad poems anymore.
They say the topic is getting old and the constant dark emotional ranting has become my own personal cheche.
My addiction lay too heavy on the minds of hearts.
To true for you to rationalize a twisted fantasy so far from reality that they nicknamed it infinity.
Everyone knows my dark present... I mean past.
I've been going back and forth for so long, I don't know if my months are clean or if I cleaned them yesterday.
Holding in my mind bottling mishaps has embodied an irrational form.
So mixed up, I can't tell my heaven from my hell, my day from my night terrors.
I've been so focused on not writing sad poems that I forgot why I stop to begin with.
Don't know if the ink is worth the page,
or if the page is even worth being used.
I just want to stop writing sad poems.
I want to be the person that people aren't embarrassed to stand next to.
Want to be so strong that my weakness carry biceps.
So powerful that my weakest link is a brass iron plate coated in gold.
I just want to stop writing sad poems.
Don't always want to be the person that makes everyone cry.
My moons carry enough tears as is.
My stars leak enough misguided emotion themselves.
I just want to stop writing sad poems.
I want to make people laugh this time.
I'm not just an over flowing journal of salt water.
I can be funny too.
It might be a little corny,
and you probably won't laugh,
but I promise you'll smile.
I'm not that far gone.
Actually I never really left.
I've just been stuck for so long that your forward movement made it seem that I had taken a few sprint behind.
Weighing back and forth.
Lifting my ankles then putting them back down.
Trying to pep talk my legs into stepping forward without falling twelve weeks behind.
I am trying to not write sad poems.
I've just about exhausted every other method.
The real world ones piss me off.
The inspiring ones are just me trying to convince myself.
the love ones take me to the root of everything.
The happy ones makes me feel three fourths way full.
Like I'm starving for laughter.
Like I'm not getting a full plate of giggles.
They say the full course taste so good that they had to make it free.
Well where do I get me some free?
Where are the things in life that don't cradle a price tag, because everything either cost a heart or some trust, and that's a bit pricey for me.
My mind budget has been cut so low that I have to figure out how to get two days out of one smile to insure I'll have enough purpose to get me through tomorrow.
I'm tired of writing sad poems...
I want to find some new flows,
want to taste a new rhyme,
want to fell a rhythm so new that I feel like I finally found myself.
Finally caught hold of what was.
What once rounded the younger her,
her who felt wings,
dreams,
beautiful...
I promise...
I promise,
I'm trying to not write sad poems.