SAYING THANK YOU ONCE MORE

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how much effort and how hard you try in you're life,
You deserve to have everything you want, and so so much more..
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life. I didn't ever want to let you down, nor did i want to lead you on.
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might end up being for the better,
I just can't live a lie anymore,
I would rather hurt myself over and over again
Then to ever make you or see you cry. Can you just let me explain myself i promise nothing but the truth,
I wasn't sure If i was worthy Or good enough for you to be around. I am sorry i was so boring, and never new what to say or do, and im sorry i pushed you away with the bullshit that was going on in my life, its just that im a mess and have no idea how to fix myself. I sometimes wish i said more to you, or spoke up about how I was feeling with everything.. im the type of person who just inwardly screams inside and walks away, the reason is because i haven't had anyone to talk to or anyone whose cared what happened or went on with me. So i gave up all hope of help from anyone. I wish i was that person that everyone wanted me to be,, ie less shy? to have a bit more confidence? to point my finger in someone's face when they are wrong and say "you're wrong and here's why".... You know things about me that no one else will ever know, Thank you for giving me the feeling like i was special and that i meant something, Thank you for the past few months and coming into my life. id be lying if i said i wasn't. Thank you for telling me you loved me it meant the world to me, because i haven't felt so much love by anyone besides you babe, It felt amazing.
​​​​luckly for you i guess i wasn't quite what you were looking for and probably saw a different sort of person that you wernt probably use to? The 'quite reserved girl in the backround' that's just me and im happy with that person i guess.... now heres how I feel cause i don't know what to do anymore, I keep looking for you wherever i go, and what hurts is that you'll never be there anymore. But Please remember, just because i left, it didnt mean i wanted to, I had to. You are and still are my favorite chapter that's happened in my life, that i keep re playing  in my head day in and day out, then suddenly i find that my eye's are red with tears rolling down my face cause im thinking about you. my heart is aching because ive lost you're touch kisses hugs and loving words xxx. Every night when i put my head on my pillow, i try and tell myself that i am strong because i survived another day and night without you. And if we can never be together in the end, then i am  glad you were apart of my life. Can you help me figure out how i am going to move on when you're fingerprints are still on my heart, you're voice is still replaying  in my head, and you're smile lives in my vision all the time. Its gonna be hard to get use to not having you around anymore, you gave me plenty of memories to remember you by. I am sorry for destroying what we had, And i miss what we had before i developed feelings for you, I know you said you were just looking for friends and people to chill with, I took that for granted. but i can't help what my heart, head and sole feel and developed. And now i can't fix what i destroyed. I will never forget you . You were and still are my light my sun and my world. You made my days brighter, now i have to cope living in the  darkness 'once again'  without you, Im sorry i fell in love with you wasn't my intentions, But it happened and i don't regret it and never will.. I will always love you.. you deserve every bit of happiness xo. Please don't forget me, cause i am never EVER going to forget about you xo.