Scared

I know what I am capable of
I just want to love
Myself
As I pull a book off the bookshelf
I try to read
But all it does is feed
The monster inside
At least you know that I tried
I can’t take much more
It’s nothing but a roar
A ringing in my ears
For all the years
I want to bleed
I want to do the deed
I want them to stop
I don’t want to disrupt the backdrop
But can I die
Can I cry
I don’t want to be here
Whisper in my ear
You love me still
I might need a pep pill