See Me In Color
For all of you that think I live the perfect life with the perfect relationship and the finest things.. you're wrong. All of you. Every day I sit in between girls who are supposed to be my friends talking about what happened in the group chat last night, mind you, that I am not included in. No one cares to think to even leave a seat open for me at lunch so I sit alone on the floor of the bathroom in the last stall crying. Wondering when this will get any better. But will it ever get better? I spend my days at school among people who use me for homework I have the answers to. Who act like I am nothing more than an invisible thing- not human... a thing. And I cry every day wondering why me? Why do they hate me? What have I done? I ask them what I did to them and they say "nothing! We love you don't ever doubt that" falsely comforting me but never inviting me to ANYTHING. I know. I sound like I'm four. But I'm so tired of being invisible. When will they see me in color? When will they see me at all? No matter the depths I reach to, I'm never good enough and they still act like I am invisible. Talking over me. Not including me in any opinion or situation or conversation they have with each other. But I have the perfect life right? Yet each person faces their own battles one way or another so I have to suck it up. Put on a happy face. And act like everything is 100% okay for these people. "Cherish your high school years" they say. Personally if high school ended right now, right this second I wouldn't shed one tear because I've been surrounded by girls who could care less about what I feel. Put on a tough skin girl. Grit through it. It shouldn't be like that. They should WANT to include me in stuff, I shouldn't have to ask. But then again, do I want to sit alone and be the outcast from the inside? When they see me cry for a lengthy amount of time they ask "is it your boyfriend or something with your parents? Is your grandma okay?" I sit and laugh to myself while crying and reply "no it's none of them". They look so confused. Thinking "why is she laughing and crying?" I'm laughing because it's not my mom. It's not my dad. It's not my grandma. It's not my boyfriend. It's you.
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Comments
I'm glad i'm not the only one who goes through this but I'm very sorry that you feel like this. Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel.
Thank you for reading, it's never just you girl!
Life will come at us in different ways, we all go through the same problems just at different time. Please do not feel down, I know it is hard to keep your head up high when others are pushing you down. But I want you to know, and I am sure there are others who want you to know as well, that there is ALWAYS someone for you to talk to. It very well might be weird talking to a stranger at first. But remember there was a point where everyone was a stranger to you until you get to know them. If you ever need to or want to talk please contact me. No one should be alone in situations like this. And I want you to know you are not alone. If we all stick together and if we are there for one another, life will be so much better.