Snap

Snap.
It’s for your own good.
Snap snap.
You could’ve avoided this.
Snap snap snap…
I lose track of how many times.
How many times the thick leather belt snaps my bare, burning back.
He says it’s for my own good.
He’s fixing me, making sure I know what i’ve done wrong.
I know what I did wrong.
I passed through his view when he had a bad day.
My mistake.
Snap.
He brings back my attention.
I’m too used to it.
I know not to scream. Not to cry.
If I do, he’ll just hit harder.
He’s bigger, stronger, smarter.
I’m smaller, weaker, scared.
I let myself think of my mother.
How he did the same thing to her, probably worse.
She took it so I didn’t have to.
He says he does it because he loves me.
When he brings up the belt, I think quickly.
No, i’m not thinking. I just act. An unfamiliar, primitive act.
I think about what he did to my mother, what he does to me, how he’s in my nightmares.
Something inside me just…
snaps.