Soil for flowers

In my weak moments I'd take you back
I'd let myself die just to have see love in our eyes again 

In my weak moments I remember the banana costume
Lil miss coconut at the airport
And how genuinely you have always loved me

But it wasn't about that. 

It was about mine. My pieces and the thesis that you were actually going to break me
8 times cheated 
After id removed the ones my bar had lowered too far too touch
How many times denied
The belief that I am loved
When I needed you just a little bit less than you needed a rise
Something to run from the parts that aren't fun

In my weak moments I forget the day we died. 
6 months before the split
When I said love me or leave

In the end it wasn't really me that got to decide
How this would end

It wasn't really me that sat with you in the end
A me devoid of passion and beauty 
Surrendered to being on my knees
Begging for you to share some time with me
Or to at least do one thing less that that I would have to lie about. 
To myself and everyone else

In the end
I decided to cut all ties
With you and with my dream
Of the  constellation, that, had you not been you
we could have been
Turns out I didn't really let myself see
You
Only the lie you were telling yourself 
Your skin isn't pink
Nor your heart or your surroundings on the promade
That you made yourself queen of
Alot of it wasn't pink
Now that I've taken off these shades
Youve got a beautiful heart. 
But a flower needs dark and dirty soil to grow
And yours you've obsessively kept clean
Denying the darkness
It needs
To feed